Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Darling, I never quit!


My best attempt at the Carrie Bradshaw Sex And The City book cover pose. Ha! Try adding a 10 lb Contax 645 to the mix...it's doable, but every fear of dropping it on accident whilst awkwardly posing fills your mind. 

This year I closed my portrait studio located in the heart of Houston's Art District. It was perfect and expressed everything I loved. My professional career of 12+ years as an internationally publish wedding and portrait photographer came to a close. I had feared that without my constant need to work that I wouldn't know who I was or what I do. And while the first 3 months I woke up in a mild panic attack every morning thinking "Oh my God. I've got a wedding/portrait session today and I didn't charge my batteries!" (I have a charging batteries issue...I like living on the edge.) Then I'd calm myself and get back into bed. And force a sleepy smile on my face because I knew that I was suppose to be happy about not having to be a 'hussler' everyday for my commissioned pieces of art. That that particular morning and the mornings there after I could take photos. Really, really, really good ones for myself. I'm the client now. Challenges are still around for me to knock on their asses. I create them this time. Personal artistic projects and pieces to decorate our newly built home fill my daily life now. And finally, restarting my blog that I had gotten to busy to write for.

They say you have to "Fake it till you make it". Those many moons ago, as an amateur photographer who was poor as dirt and starving to fill my portfolio, I full conquered this method of self promotion. Anyone that I newly met, or anyone that would listen for that matter, I quickly and confidently told them that I was a photographer. I carried my camera around like I was an Olympic medal. I couldn't accept failure. I wouldn't. And it was too late to turn back now. I had to pay for the camera and all the new gadgets I would soon purchase. I didn't know what the future would hold for me. That I would reach all the goals I had set out for my profession. I hit all the magazine features I had hoped for. I had received all the awards I had dreamed of. I had owned a studio. I had taught art and photography students the things that I know. Participated in all the Photography associations I could get into. I had photographed over 20-40 weddings per year for 10 years. And had had my photographs featured on the cover of multiple magazines. And no matter what achievements...You had to find the next pillar to rise to. Exhausting. Blood sweat and tears kid of exhausting. And I loved every minute of it. But don't forget...Work is work is work. I had missed thousands of hours maybe years of photographing my children while I was gone so where else take pictures of someone else's kid. I loved the hussle, but in retrospect the husslin' didn't love me. It doesn't love you back. Sorry to break it to you, kid. Well, at least in my experience.


People ask "Why did you stop being a photographer?" And if I appear puzzled at the question. It's because I am. I didn't realize that I had stop being a photographer...Because I hadn't. I just don't photograph for anyone else than for myself, my family, and what ever the hell that I want that interests. And certain not to make measly dollar or two. I do it for love and life. Closing the studio wasn't an end. It was a beginning of living life to the fullest. Though that husslin' blood never does leave your bones.

I hope you enjoy it all. And if you're lucky enough do what you love for business...well you've made it. Just give your "Ying and Yang" a look at every once and while. Find your balance and if one is taking over too much of your life it's time to re-assess the situation. And photograph everything - no matter what camera you have in your hand. Your kids will love you for it.
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